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January 22nd, 2005

09:44 am
Hey all, New song on my website - don't be shy, go check it out. It's a euro-housy-dancy/jazzy type thing.



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August 14th, 2004

07:35 pm - Agree or disagree and why?
Religeon gets us cloer to a comfort zone, not closer to the truth.

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May 12th, 2004

10:40 pm - Fantasy and reality.
Haven't posted here in a while... just wanted to talk about a thought I keep having.

People in general have a trouble clarifying the difference between fantasy and reality in their day to lives. I mean, the difference between the truth and what sounds good. I think this quality motivates belief in God. They believe it because they LIKE the idea. There's a guy at my school who epitomizes (sp?) that quality. If u go to my school, you know what I'm talking about. Any thoughts on this? I'll probably add more when I think of more examples.
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Hole in the Head by Sugababes

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April 22nd, 2004

08:27 pm - A Step Away From Sciences
Shall we take a step back from the sciences for a moment and reflect on history?

This is a report for history and I think it turned out rather well:

Skinner, Taylor

Forgotten Victims
In 1933, there was a law in the German Penal Code that outlawed homosexuality under the penalty of being dispatched to a concentration camp; this law was known as Paragraph 175 (“Nazi Persecution of Homosexuals 1933-1945”). An estimated ten to fifteen-thousand “175ers” were exterminated in the holocaust under the 145th paragraph, but there has never been a systematic survey (Heger 12). Such a survey is long overdue. The homosexuals endured just as much – if not more – torture in concentration camps, and most of these tortures were carried out in the presence of many other homosexual inmates. Even being acknowledged by another inmate, guard, or SS officer was just as dreaded because homosexuals were rarely referred to as anything other than filthy queers, ass-fuckers, cock-suckers, assholes, and the scum of the Earth (Heger 32, 68). Though the number of deaths of gay prisoners was not as detrimental to their population as other victims, such as the Jews, they endured the most horrendous torture and treatment during and after the Holocaust.

Although homosexuals were dispatched to concentration camps to be exterminated, this extermination was not carried out upon arrival, but rather drawn out over months or years through hunger, toil, terror, and torture. Heinz Heger remembered one of the torture sessions he was forced to attend where “[… a Capo, or guard, rose a] bowl with hot water between the [homosexual’s] legs so that his balls hung down into it. The prisoner let out a shattering scream for help, “but none of the onlookers were permitted to move. He was then given “what he [wanted].” According to the officer, and a broom handle was forced “deep into the prisoner’s anus” as he “moved his lips as if to cry out without any sound emerging”; he was finally released from his pain when he was beaten to death with a chair by the capos (84). This homosexual could be considered one of the lucky ones because he was spared the pain and suffering for months from hunger and exhaustion. If any of the homosexual audience actually were to live against all odds, they would have to hold these images and memories with them for the rest of their lives. However, physical torture was not the only form of torture inflicted upon homosexuals; the Nazis forced homosexual prisoners live in fear simply by the jobs they did. If a job was specifically dangerous or back-breaking, it was given to a “filthy queer.” One of these jobs included building mounds for firing-range butts. The homosexual prisoners were to do this as practice was in session; the SS even proffered to fire on the prisoners rather than the proper targets. They would come “to work each morning full of terror and dread, not known with one of [them] were to meet [their] death, but sure that some or other of [them] would” (Heger 43-44). The only way one prisoner was able to stay alive was to accept a Capo’s offer to be his lover (Heger 44). The only way for a homosexual to ensure their own safety was to give into the hypocritical offer of the Capos or SS guards - the officials were engaging in exactly what they were condemning. The SS officers had a certain love for the torture of the “175ers,” making sure that their time spent alive at the camps was substantially worse than any other group of victims.

It was not just the torture that would destroy the homosexuals’ morale, but it was every waking moment that was filled with horror and hatred because of the homophobic views of the German population. Even murderers spoke to homosexuals in a very degrading manner. On a transport to Berlin, one homosexual was placed with two murderers, and “[as soon as they got] out of [him] that he was a ‘175er,’ a ‘filthy queer,’ as they called [him] from then on, [… they spoke to him with disgust even though] as murderers, they were certainly even more rejected by society. They emphasized […] that they were at least ‘normal.’” (Heger 28). Even if there were sympathetic prisoners at the camps, Homosexuals could not receive this support because homosexuals could not approach any other inmate except for another “shitty queer” (Heger 13). Homosexuals were even weary to do that because of the risk involved. And soon after, these “sexual offenders” lost their very identities. When a homosexual was asked for his name, he could no longer use his birth name, but he was to say “queer asshole” followed by his prison number (Heger 70). They weren’t even human beings anymore, just a number and an insult. These faceless victims had nobody to share their pain with as they were brutally treated by officers and prisoners alike.

After the war ended, hope arose in the homosexual prisoners as they were finally leaving their camps, but that hope was soon shattered upon finding out that they would be placed on trial and then imprisoned yet again after years of gruesome treatment; the homosexuals were the only victims that were actively perused after the Holocaust because of the existence of Paragraph 175, which The Allied Military Government of Germany failed to repeal (“Homosexuals”). Through 1950 to 1960, the German government convicted homosexuals “at a rate as high as that of the Nazi regime” (Heger 13). The Jewish, Gypsy, political, anti-social, Jehovah’s Witness, and emigrant holocausts ended, but the homosexual holocaust continued at a steady pace. Several survivors committed suicide either before their trial or afterwards in prison because they “could not find the strength to face [the] second wave of persecution” (Heger 15). Homosexuals never were recognized as victims; forgotten in museums and memorials, they were still viewed as perverts and criminals and have forever lost their dignity (Heger 13-14). Nor did homosexuals “qualify for post war restitution” because they were “outside the law” (“Homosexuals”). Now, some survivors are even blaming themselves because, as one survivor but it, “we stupid queens didn’t hide our address books” (Heger 15). These “stupid queens’” suffering did not end with the Holocaust, no, it continued for years to come by continually being persecuted by the German government and then by being ignored by the people.

During and after the Holocaust, homosexuals endured the most revolting torture from both the Nazi and reformed governments. They were given jobs, torture, and treatment exclusive to themselves because they were at the bottom of the camp’s social caste. Every other victim earned compensation and recognition from the government except for the homosexuals, who were forgotten and ignored in the years to come. But few gay victims choose to speak out because they fear they will again be persecuted for who they love and who they are. Dr. Klaus Müller said it best when he voiced that “calling homosexual victims of the Nazis ‘forgotten victims,’ however, distorts history. The post war German government did not simply forget the homosexuals; on the contrary, it actively continued to persecute them, and to justify the efforts of the Nazis in this respect” (Heger 15).

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April 3rd, 2004

10:32 pm - Philosophy Club
I am going to post the questions asked in Philosophy Club on every friday.
So feel free to discuss/comment/argue on them.

Last weeks question:
Is it human to want to win the lottery than earn it with hard work?

Now there is more to this question than meets the eye..it's an easy question to answer but the whole point of it is to get you to think about human nature.
Current Mood: pensivepensive

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February 20th, 2004

12:30 pm - The Origins Of Penson
Most of you dont quite understand where Penson came from and what Penson is.
I belive this should have been the first post, to establish what we should be posting about.
As response to Steve's post, Lindsay replied:
"Well, thinking about things like this is just mental masturbation until you find a way to apply it to day to day life......there is also no reason for a human, with our short lifespan (and our own problems), to contemplate its purpose. We don't know what purpose "space" has. All we can do and all we SHOULD do is consider what it does for us -- which is serve as our home. "
She later had to explain that that wasn't quite what she had meant, and all of this confusion could have been avoided had this been covered in the first place.

Penson is a "philosophy" of some sort developed by one very long involved and enlightening phone conversation between Lindsay and I. Lindsay= Liberatarian with Republican influence, me=independant. lindsay=conservative, me=liberal, lindsay=more atheist and skeptical, me= more open to higher power and optimistic about what lies beyond, lindsay= loves indusatrialism, me=nature junky
You get the idea. Opposites that can come together to find a common ground on many topics which can help us find a broader version of "the truth".

The Penson Community
We decided that if we can reach a common ground and use philosophical ideas to come to a conclusion, theory, or common ground, or anything that we can appy to day to day life or use to further explain phenomina of this world
(one example came about when in a discussion with Chad he brought up the posssibility of other life forms living on a different "level of light" or somethn and i came to the conclusion that seeing those beings could result in people thinking they were angels. Later in the conversation we discussed the fact the memory has not yet been found to be a solid object and has een proven to not inhabit and part of the brain in particular and i said that that brought me a little coser to understanding what part of us is not physical/chemical, or what part of us is the soul.)
then we can also do this with other individuals even more different then we are to eachother.

I hope this clears up any misunderstanding.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Live and Insignia

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February 12th, 2004

11:56 pm - Philosophy
In response to Steve's insight into the role of a void, i give you:

Theories regarding the linear time model and expanding nature of our universe
By: Chad Solis

To address the origin of the universe you must first observe the current state of it's largest discovered masses of matter which are the galaxies. The nature of all discovered galaxies is to move away from one another which insist a common point at which they are migrating from. If these galaxies are in fact the largest bodies of mass existing in space then it stands to reason that they would all be moving away from their point of origin, which is said to be the location of the big bang. This supports your comment that the only real purpose of such a void would be to accommodate all of the mass produced when the big bang occurred. I see no arrogance in this statement. So what then was the universe composed of before it was converted into the rotating clusters of matter we see through our telescopes today? The singularity at which all the constituents of our universe existed in before the existence of time is certainly a subject of little understanding since we only can study matter which exists at speeds significantly lower than the speed of light. A "protomatter" if you will would have likely made up this pinhead of a universe. The problem with visualizing a pinhead universe is that our minds automatically visualize a black void in which a pinhead of matter or "protomatter" exists. This would not be the case since voids exist only for the propose of accommodating matter and anti-matter. Instead we are left to accept the Friedman model of time in which the expanding nature of the universe is the soul culprit of matter existing in its fourth dimension (time). Without the fourth dimension matter would no longer require a beginning and an end because of it’s lack of structure that time would otherwise provide. Experimental conditions to verify the postulate mechanisms of such a pinhead universe are impossible to fabricate currently but our studies of black holes have lead us to a reassuring theory of the event horizon and their statistical "wormholes" which represent an exception in the linear nature of time. A newer circular model of time however, is not allowed by Einstein's general theory of relativity which supports the concept of a finite and ever expanding universe. Referring back to E=mc2 (energy equals mass times the speed of light, and the speed of light being dependant on a constant of time to measure by) a state of matter in which time does not exist would constitute an infinite source of energy, or a “protomatter”. Einstein would probably be red in the face if he saw me providing such a novice explanation of the postulations of a grand unified theory of relativity, but for the sake of time I will overlook the uncertainty principle, linearity of time, and completely disregard non-local quantum physics, which I have no desire to explain at so late an hour.

P.S. I posted this again because i wanted everyone to comment, not just Steve.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: my grinding teeth

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10:07 pm - The Invisibility Factor
Because I lack the worldy wisdom and experiance to make something of my own yet, I shall post an essay I found in Sio-Says:

The Invisibility Factor
By Siobahnne Tyler

One does not have to be physically invisible to BE invisible. One merely has to feel overlooked or unnoticed to experience the phenomenon deemed the Invisibility Factor. It’s something that has hit us all at one time or another in our lives, usually at the low points where we’re most likely to be taken in by it. Our self esteems are desperate for an explanation, easily grasping on to any kind of reason in order to drag their selves from the sad state of self pity. It begins small, the seeds of doubt taking root in your mind, and slowly blossoming into full form. This is the birth of the Invisibility Factor.

It gets off to a slow start. You never even really notice it at first. Usually you’re too busy worrying about the way everything else is going wrong or off track in your life. Little things, like being passed up on a sale of some kind or being overlooked at a restaurant don’t seem so much as a problem, but rather as a simple coincidence. Things happen. And you didn’t really want what they were trying to sell you anyways. It’s no big deal. This may be only the beginning though.

Things then start mounting, though even now you might not have yet noticed. So your appointment at the doctor’s office disappeared, it happens. And, okay, they lost your layaway and the items you had on hold at the bookstore suddenly were misplaced. People make mistakes, right? All these little meaningless moment start to take shape.

You begin to notice other little things and wonder why. Each must have some kind of logical explanation. The fact that they all happen to you must only be some kind of coincidence…right? That’s all. But the seed of doubt has now been firmly planted and soon you begin to see just how often this actually seems to happen to you. But hey, not being invited to the party where all your friends are was no biggie. You wouldn’t have gone anyways, would you? You know, you’re not really sure if you would have gone, but it would have been nice to have been given the choice at all.

That’s not all though. Did you know your love life is nonexistent? All your friends are happy, either in pairs or joyfully single. You don’t really want a relationship, do you? Of course you don’t! You’re happy being single. And you could have your pick of the litter if you really wanted them. Well…at least that sounds confident. Still, it would be nice to be occasionally noticed and appreciated, ya know? But it really is okay that every guy and girl you know decided you are friend material. Lovers come and go, but friends last forever. But…still. Wouldn’t it be nice to think that maybe, for once, someone would consider you as more than just…a friend? So you begin to actively try, because wanting it is suppose to make a difference. But it doesn’t. The guys would rather date your friends, or anything else with a pulse, and the girls seem to instinctively know that there’s something better out there. The fact that it may just not be “your time” or that there are “plenty more fish in the sea” doesn’t seem very comforting. If you can’t even gain something more than casual or friends interest now, how is that going to get better in the many, seemingly lonely, years to come?

You put it off. It’s NOT your time. Things can only get better because there’s always that silver lining. It’s hard to wait though, and it seriously begins to feel as though it may only get worse. That feeling of being lost in the crowd begins to feel more and more overwhelming. It gets harder and harder to remember that it can only be temporary. You tend to get lost in “being invisible.” So another application was overlooked for a job, it happens. And so what if no one seems to be paying attention? It doesn’t really matter that your input is ignored and that not one person can often remember how to spell your name, let alone remember it altogether.

Little things that never really mattered seem to hold the most importance. They are all you have left to hold onto, and yet even they go wrong. The bus skipped your bus stop, and you had to walk that extra mile home. You dropped your books and everyone just walked on by as though nothing at all had happened. Your life seemingly just swallows you whole. Half the time even those you consider family even seem to forget your existence. They forget to pick you up from work more and more, and you sit on the sidewalk for an hour trying to decide whether to be angry or just cry and admit defeat. It’s pretty sad when someone wouldn’t mind leaving you waiting in the dark like an idiot for an hour just so they could see the last of the game. No phone call, no notice at all. You’re just left waiting. And they you were home and didn’t include you in the dinner plans again, not saving you anything nor letting you know it was done. It wouldn’t bother you nearly as much if it hadn’t already happened so many times. “Why me?” you begin to wonder. “Why can’t they just remember me?”

Years of forgotten birthdays, of forgotten graduations and special events all of a sudden have a reason. Suddenly these moments of ignorance make sense.

You’re invisible.

It really does all make sense! What guy wouldn’t choose your friend if he couldn’t see you there? What girl wouldn’t then pass you up for brighter pastures? It’s no wonder your friends forgot about you that one weekend, and why most everyone forgot your birthday yet again.

The Invisibility Factor.

Being invisible isn’t simply a physical trait, but rather an emotional state, starting small and growing as insecurity begins to reign. You are overlooked because you are simply not there and you can’t fairly expect people to see what is not right before their eyes, can you? The instances of being ignored and looked over have taken their toll. As physically visible as you may be, no one can see you because you don’t believe you can be seen anymore. Once belief of the Invisibility Factor takes hold, it takes over and becomes a depressing reality. You allow it to dominate you, allowing it to defeat your self esteem and further drive you down.

You know it’ll be over eventually. Sooner or later you find reason to drag yourself back into existence. Sooner or later you may want to give “living” a shot again. You have to want it to beat it. But it’s hard. Who wants to accept their own failings when they can just claim invisibility? Sure, you can change and try and make it better, but how much would have to chance before you lose sight of yourself?

You are caught between what you are, what you wish you could be, and what you never WILL be. You’re stuck in a void, an endless cycle of nonexistence. People walk on by, and never turn their head. It is the Invisibility Factor at work. It strikes anyone and everyone, an easy trap to fall into but a hard one to fight your way out of. Sooner or later you’ll do it though, and then you can maybe be okay.

Until then, you are simply invisible.
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Final Distance

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08:47 pm - Patterns...
Human beings spend way too much time depending on patterns. Look at how we do it every day! Did you make plans for tomorrow? Next week? Then you are depending on a pattern.

**I would guess that at least 90% of the population doesn't really know WHY the sun is going to come up tomorrow. If you asked me, I would probably say "because it came up yesterday." But is that really a fair way to answer such a question? It's a little unfair to the sun, don't you think? -- to just expect it to behave to your bidding? In not understanding WHY the sun is coming up tomorrow, I think that people lose respect for it and don't truly appreciate how much we NEED the sun. (BTW I'm not dumb - I know that the Earth is revolving blah blah blah -- that's just not the point I was trying to make. Go back and reread my point before you use this technicality to jump on my argument.)

But honestly -- who has time to study the immense and complete TRUTH behind the patterns of our seemingly-revolving sun? No one! But describing the average relationship we have with the sun brings me to my next point.

When our "patterns" let us down, (and by patterns I mean those similar to the behavior of the sun on which we constantly depend) our natural reaction is to be mad. For example, let's say my mom gave me a ride to school every day. After a while, I would just expect her to do so constantly. But what if one day something came up and she just couldn't?! I would be very confused. Lost. I wouldn't know what to do. How would I get to school? I depended on a pattern, and that pattern let me down.

The point I'm trying to make is that we need to take some time each day and respect our patterns, because we never know how important the most mundane daily pattern is until it lets us down. If we're not prepared to deal with losing these seemingly trivial things, we may not be able to deal with certain challenges in life.


(I love you sun! Don't leave us!)
Current Mood: lethargiclethargic
Current Music: "The House We Built" by Alisha's Attic

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01:18 am
Ok, so I guess ill start with some brain food... actually, more like brain murder.

The universe, a simple concept to talk about and infinitely hard to explain.

The origin of the universe?
The size of the universe?
The existance of the universe?
Human interpretation of our physical/metaphysical world vs. actuality and word usage.

Space - Space is defined at Dictionary.com as: 1 B. "The infinite extension of the three-dimensional region in which all matter exists." and yet the presence of outer-space as an object is unmeasureable and described by science as such an absence of space that a vacuum is created.

Off TopicCollapse )

The only reason this vast entity of nothingness exists is for the sole purpose of containment of the galaxies, solar systems, planets, stars, etc... Otherwise, as by scientific definition, it would not exist.

So, how does a void suddenly become a definite region? If this is the case, then we have to question our own existance as physical matter. The fact that we exist in a void leads one to believe that the void does in fact exist and therefor there really is not such thing as a void.

In other words: Nothing does not exist, for the presence of nothing is in fact "The infinite extension of the three-dimensional region in which all matter exists." and therefor has to exist, ruling out the idea that nothing can ever really exist in the first place.

Current Mood: sadsad

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